Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
