And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
