I wish I only lived at night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
