i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
