my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
