"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
