she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
