Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
