So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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