So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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