i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
