her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
