the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
