sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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