the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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