Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
