dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
