My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up under a house in Key West
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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