I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
