she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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