omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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