Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Boobs speak an international language.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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