The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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