The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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