I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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