rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
