So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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