K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
