I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I intend to get homeless drunk
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
