he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
