Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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