i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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