we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
