I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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