Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
