Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
