my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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