i may or may not be watching the land before time
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
