I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
