Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
