I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my poor anus
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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