You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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