Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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