My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
