Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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