Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
