Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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