Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
