i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
