i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
