so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
