Screwed.edu
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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