honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
