There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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