Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
